One type of therapy for couples I offer is discernment counseling.
Discernment counseling is a form of therapy for couples who believe they are on the brink of a divorce and need guidance on whether or not to end their marriage.
Which couples are best served by this type of counseling?
If one partner is not sure they want to stay married (“leaning out”) AND doubts that couples therapy can help while the other partner is interested in doing traditional couples therapy (“leaning in”), then discernment counseling may be a useful tool for them. The “leaning-out” partner is supported where they are emotionally, and the leaning-in partner is equally supported in their own emotional state. Discernment counseling avoids starting half-hearted relationship therapy with these mixed-agenda couples. It accepts ambivalence rather than trying to work around it or overcome it.
*In traditional couples therapy, the counselor aims to help people solve problems together, learn to communicate better or get closer together.
In a Nutshell
Discernment sessions work with each partner where they are, focusing on individual conversations and carefully structured couple sharing. An emphasis is placed on what each partner can learn about themselves from the problems in their relationship.
Expect
With this type of counseling, the initial commitment for the couple is the first 2-hour session. During this session, each person decides separately if they would like one more session, up to a maximum of five.
Goals
The goals of discernment counseling are clarity and confidence in a direction for the relationship, based on a deeper understanding of what has happened in the relationship and each person’s contributions to the problems.
Outcomes
The outcomes for the couple engaging in discernment counseling are framed in terms of three paths: stay married, divorce/separation or a six-month commitment to couples therapy, with a clear agenda for personal change and with divorce off the table during this time
To Get Started
Contact Patrick if you are interested in exploring whether discernment counseling might be right for you and your partner.
